Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
