Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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