how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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