You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
