vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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