just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
