so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
