so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
