Its about making memories worth repressing
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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