Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
