Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My dad is sitting where you rode me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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