She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
