There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
