Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
