Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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