she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
