I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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