Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
