If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
