i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
