Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
