This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
