just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
