I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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