i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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