dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
