Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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