i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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