Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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