my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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