can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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