The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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