Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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