We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
