My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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