Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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