Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
