i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
