The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
