Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
