Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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