Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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