I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
