In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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