As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
