I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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