i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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