I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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