Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
