I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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