At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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