im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its about making memories worth repressing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
