He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
