Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize