im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
