My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
