Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
