I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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