I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
