Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
