Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
