If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
