My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My pussy is not your playground.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
