Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize