I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
