he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
