He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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